An inexact science
by Sepelio
Summary: Bulgaria's unkempt uniform annoys Prussia.


_It doesn't really matter but Bulgaria got all messy and beaten up after disagreeing with how to split captured territory with his previous allies Greece and Serbia, attacked them, only to get his ass kicked by them, Romania and Ottoman. Ouch.  
And Bulgaria wanted to be "the Prussia of the Balkans". I first learned it from here__ community. livejournal__ .com/hetalia/1092568. html__ and found it hilarious... _

* * *

"This is horrible," Bulgaria said.

"Yes," Prussia said with utter conviction. He had tried to teach Bulgaria, well not everything he knew, but enough to make him useful. And yet, here Bulgaria was, bad posture, uniform with spots of dirt and even, good forbid, tears in the fabric. A button missing and the coat not even properly buttoned with the ones he had left.

"Greece shoved my face in the mud while his friends held me down," Bulgaria miserably said.

It sounded hilarious to Prussia, even if Bulgaria's expression clearly said 'pity me'. Prussia didn't have much pity for military failure, the mental image of the much weaker Greece humiliating Bulgaria made him laugh out loud, distracting him from Bulgaria's abysmal appearance for a while.

"Didn't France do something like that to you too?" Bulgaria asked, his expression turning into one of 'the moment you turn your back on me I will kill you'.

"I did more than whine about it. I got even. How dare you try to associate yourself with the awesome me and then show up looking like this?"

Prussia couldn't take his eyes off the uneven coat and delivered what he felt was scorching criticism with less force than he wanted. Prussia didn't think his bosses were very fond of Bulgaria, but he loved how Bulgaria stalked him with a notebook. Finally someone who understood that was worth doing! If he only did it a little better... The times Prussia had been severely ganged up on were conveniently forgotten at the moment.

"I'll get back at them too," Bulgaria said, continuing to elaborate on how much he hated his neighbors in a speech he probably practiced but Prussia was unable to listen to.

"Enough is enough!" Prussia cried, and launched himself at Bulgaria right in the middle of how he thought Romania was smelly and ugly. They tumbled down on the floor and Prussia attacked the coat as a man with an unpleasant but vital mission. It only took him a short while to unbutton the.. thing.

"Stop molesting me!" Bulgaria yelled and flailed with his arms. "I told you I don't believe it's a part of Prussian military tradition!"

"Be still," Prussia ordered. Bulgaria stopped struggling, perhaps because of Prussia's authoritative tone or more likely, because he started to button the coat again.

"What is wrong with you," Bulgaria muttered as Prussia readjusted, finding a better position on top of him. He took his handkerchief out of a pocket and tried to get the worst mud off. It was like putting band-aid on an infected wound, but what else could he do right now?

Bulgaria had gone from brief panic to amusement, now actively helping Prussia to clean him up by generously squirming into a position giving him better access.

Nose to nose with Bulgaria it slowly began to dawn on Prussia exactly how weird this looked. How weird it felt, with Bulgaria's barely contained laughter exhaling into his face. Prussia slowly stopped, dropping his handkerchief.

"How did you end up a powerful empire again?"

"Because I know military matters are serious business."

"It must be because of your bosses. I'm beginning to understand what geniuses they have to be to compensate for what a moron you are."

"Oh shut up, you got beaten up by Greece of all nations."

"You want to know what I think?" Bulgaria asked, grinning. "I think I like you on top of me better than Greece and his idiot friends after all."

"Eh..."

Somehow, in a way he couldn't define, Prussia started to feel like he had lost control over the situation. Bulgaria's hands teasingly touching his back only made it worse, it didn't seem like a serious attempt to fight him off...

"I don't think the stains are going to come off my coat," Bulgaria said. "I think you might need to take it off and clean it properly."

"Actually you're muddy all over," Prussia said. Now when he thought about it the pants weren't in a shape fitting for an important meeting with a great, powerful person like Prussia. It was important to think about that. Not how he suspected he would enjoy seeing Bulgaria without pants.

"And now _you're_ muddy for straddling me this carelessly."

Bulgaria smiled diabolically as Prussia looked down on himself, realizing the truth in this. With that distraction, Bulgaria threw him off in a move that made Prussia proud. Maybe he learned something after all. He learned a few things only in the last moments, as proven by how he pinned down Prussia in an eerie imitation of how Prussia just had shown how it was done.

"Gah, my jacket!" Prussia cried. "I had my brother iron it into perfection for me!"

"That's what happens when you're not vigilant. Isn't that what you keep telling me? Your enemies might end up taking advantage..."

Prussia caught Bulgaria's wrists in his own hands. If they actually had been enemies he could have broken them.

"Careful when challenging much stronger opponents... What looks like a great advantage might not really be."

"Everyone have their weaknesses," Bulgaria said. Despite how he still looked like crap he had stopped slouching, some self-confidence returning to his posture. "Do you want to admit yours?"

Prussia laughed again, much friendlier this time.

"Never."

Without thinking, acting only on his amazing instinct, he dragged Bulgaria down on top of him, catching his mouth in a kiss. Bulgaria struggled to dominate it, putting up a better fight than he should have considering how much more powerful Prussia was.

"_Preußen_?"

They both stopped, turning towards the voice of a young Prussian blushing furiously, desperately trying to explain how he didn't mean to interrupt but... and so on. Yet again Prussia was reminded of what an incredibly awkward position this was.

"This is... ehm, not what it looks like," Prussia tried.

"What does it look like?" Bulgaria cheerfully asked.

The young man's face turned even redder and he slammed the door shut.

"Enough," Prussia said. "Off!"

Bulgaria obeyed, looking a little less disappointed than Prussia felt.

"I think I actually have some important stuff to do," he continued. "Begone with you!"

"Send me a message if you think we should do some military training together," Bulgaria said. "Your bosses might not love it but I think you would..."

"Perhaps," Prussia agreed, without thinking it though. Oh, what the hell, why not really?

"Thanks for making my day a little less miserable," Bulgaria said. "Even if you made it weird instead. I'll get a new, clean and whole uniform for next time."

Prussia looked forward to see it. It was nice to see how other nations could learn from his awesomeness. He wasn't exactly sure what they had been doing, but surely he had been winning at it.


End file.
